If
you start reading this, I ask that you read it to the end. I’m sure I made some errors in the typing but bear with me. I didn’t edit. Had a group project.
When I get upset, I feel hot. Like heat in my chest. And the reason why I get so fired up is partially my fault. I expect people to understand why people burn things. Why people destroy what is perceived to be “our” communities. If you didn’t feel safe in your own community, would you feel safe? Quite frankly, a lot of privileged whites have gotten away with a lot of violent behavior, for some type of “revolution” that isn’t perceived as violent, is thrown out of history books, or is even glorified. I’m just gonna pop some off for y’all. The Boston Tea Party, all of Manifest Destiny, Social “unrest” in the Progressive Movement and leading up to & during WWI due to labor unions having their jobs “taken” (This was during the Great Migration and a time where there was severe reform to immigration. Also the red scare thing was popping off. Economic evidence suggests these labor unions had very little effect, if any, on wage increases, but it did keep jobs in the hands of certain “skilled” individuals’ hands. You can guess who benefitted. ), or simply “friendly”, easily pardoned riots following big sporting events. Ooh fancy.
When I get upset, I feel sick. Like to my stomach. And the reason why I get upset is partially my fault. I expect people to understand what it feels like to be hungry for change. What is the cuisine of America? None of them seem to be natural to the States, and Native Americans are so under-represented that it seems their culture can never be even nearly understood. The one race that was created here (I’m using the term ‘race’ in an attempt to be more widely understood. The concept of race is created. As is gender, but I digress.) & that is the Negro one. Furthermore, I believe Soul Food is the official cuisine of America. Can’t get that anywhere else. I get treated like my history isn’t American History. It’s some mutant history that gets a month out of 12, where we can praise MLK, in what seems to be a plan to make every black person more docile. Riddle me this. When has any movement in America, or of America, ever been done in a non-violent way? Take as much time as you need.
When I get upset, I feel tied up. Like tongue tied. And the reason I get upset is partially my fault. I expect people to see or understand things that to me are readily apparent. People don’t understand how institutionalized racism works, from the education system, to the economy, and to the dictionary. When dealing with race, I often get a bunch of definitions for things, meanwhile, the definitions for anti-racism and racism are not direct opposites. I don’t know how it all works. No one really does.
When I get upset, I feel divided. Like in my heart, my spirit, and my soul. And the reason I get upset is not my fault. Sometimes, I disconnect being black from my character or my voice because I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want to hold myself back from a possible career or life opportunity. I try to make myself seem less intimidating, and it logically follows such that I must appear less black. When I walk I’m a dark spot in society and I’m dangerous with my hood down. When I walk with my hood up I’m dangerous. I feel divided because people tear me apart from both sides. It’s like one has to choose. I… we have been fighting a war for many, many years. We asked for equity with the civil rights movement. Then we got wiped off the map, but still asked. They asked us to dress in such a way that appeased white America. We did. Then got broken, battered, and arrested in dress clothes, with our “leader” arrested over 30 times and assassinated in the suit you told him to wear. They said don’t talk about it and it’ll fade. We did until the 90’s and late 1980’s. Then things flared up again, and we put on our clothes and marched. The ones you told us to wear. Now we find ourselves with things seemingly worse than ever, because everyone is so blind and lines are so blurred, and it seems the people who have vision are a minority, which consists of a few minorities and even fewer majorities who are determined in fixing the problem. These are the few who actually want to fix things and aren’t infatuated with being a part of a big thing. They want to be a part of THE thing. Now it’s 2015, and I’m pretty tired of asking. In only my 19 years of life. I feel divided because I don’t know what they next step is. The educated really don’t know what. American history tells us that we should be violent, because that’s what white people did when they wanted change, or they wanted to oppose such change. But then again, the master’s tools cannot dismantle the master’s house. With this in mind, peaceful action seems to most probably be the answer for change, but you have to understand that peace never coincided with peace at first. People on the “right” side will get fed up. History books make it seem like the civil rights movement didn’t include violence too, because it did. Somewhat. Just that resistance was smashed. Kinda. I don’t know much about that side. I am a victim of his-story. Let’s wrap this up.
I am upset. I am angry. I am fed up. I am brilliant. I am confused. I am intelligent, and so are many people that look like me but don’t get the recognition because their intelligence doesn’t measure up to American bars.( If you test a fish on its ability to climb a tree…) I don’t want to say this issue is just about blacks, because it isn’t. The whole model minority thing is real. What’s going on with black people is happening and has happened to Asians, Indians, some Southern Europeans, and all Hispanics. IT’s relevant to all of us. INCLUDING the women of all cultures, because lets be real, they’re pretty oppressed.
But LISTEN. I am a proponent and advocate for peace, and I’ll try to keep it that way. I promise that I’ll try. Remember though, what I’ve been taught through his-story, (Not my community which is victim to his-story) is to be violent. It’s made instinctual through that. We’ll try peace, but we need help. I can promise that we won’t throw the first, second or even third stone. I can’t promise that the struggle will never turn violent, because it’s what we're taught.
But LISTEN. I am a proponent and advocate for peace, and I’ll try to keep it that way. I promise that I’ll try. Remember though, what I’ve been taught through his-story, (Not my community which is victim to his-story) is to be violent. It’s made instinctual through that. We’ll try peace, but we need help. I can promise that we won’t throw the first, second or even third stone. I can’t promise that the struggle will never turn violent, because it’s what we're taught.
